Tuesday Toenail Travesty

7:40 a.m.: Get out of shower, dry off, put on housecoat. Walk into bedroom, look at clock and realize you have 20 minutes to get dressed, dry hair, put on mascara, make breakfast for two kids, put patch on son’s eye, take lunches out of fridge, grab something for lunch for yourself and get your butt into van for trek to work.

7:41 a.m.: Put on underwear, look down at your toes and think, “Gee my toenails look terrible. I’d better retouch my nail polish before I go to work as I’ll be wearing sandals today.” Sit on very high bed and balance feet on laundry basket whilst trying to reach left foot over big stomach with right hand. Shakily paint Ravishing Red on toenails, cuticles and all exposed toe skin.

7:46 a.m.: Look at clock and panic!!! Hastily slather on deodorant and shake quarter bottle of baby powder over boobs and bum. Gingerly pull on black pants over wet toenails and stop to inspect. “Son of a beach! Now I’ve got little white specks of powder all over my red toes. Maybe if I just try to carefully rub it off with my finger…nope, now I’ve got a streak of Ravishing Red running right up my foot to my ankle.”

7:52 a.m.: Run to bathroom for nail polish remover. Surprise, it’s not in the cupboard where it should be! Dash in to Zeenee’s room where her and friend are sleeping soundly (school’s over, sleepovers begin)…make way through dark room, avoid stepping on human appendages, locate nail polish remover, vow to chain it to the bathroom counter (along with the hairbrush) when you have time. Back to bathroom, balance feet on toilet, remove mistakes, repaint Ravishing Red. Success!!!

8:01 a.m.: Run upstairs, throw breakfast at children, toss lunches into backpacks, check wallet for loonies and twoonies (you will need to buy your lunch today), sprint out to van, drop trail of gummies that are falling out of purse along driveway, leave for the crows (crows love gummies right?), drive like Paul Tracy to work, window open in order to dry hair, apply mascara at red lights.

Time until I’m back with my family: 3 hours, 9 minutes

Laundry list: whatever was taken off last night…I’m relatively caught up

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Brilliant! I have this morning almost every day (well, except for the sleepovers).

  2. I just have to say I LOVE your blog, it always makes me laugh!

    Tara 🙂

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