Telus is a dirty word

Just spent over 40 minutes on the phone trying to cancel our company cell phones…AARGH! If you’re thinking of moving to BC or Alberta in the near future, you might want to change your mind based entirely upon the phone provider we have here…Telus (it’s not like we have a choice either, they have the monopoly on home and business phone service). The Telus workers have been on strike for a couple of weeks and I recently learned that management has been filling these vacant positions…only this someone told me that they’ve filled 3500 union workers’ positions with almost 7000 people from management!!! I’m hoping those numbers were wrong…seriously, this is akin to the kind of numbers we’d like to see in our schools when we’re talking about teacher/student ratios.

• First I pressed “1” for English…I’d hate to be the French guy waiting for service from Telus. I’ll bet they have only one or two operators who can speak it fluently.

• Then I pressed “4” for business enquiries, “2” for cell phones and “666” for fun…cause that annoying-voice-lady was asking, yet, another set of questions and she was getting on my last nerve.

• At this point I had to tell the computer what I wanted to do. After considering saying something about shoving the cell phone up the annoying-voice-lady’s computer chip, I kindly answered “I want to cancel our account.”

• I was then transferred to Tech-Support, who transferred me to Sales (I didn’t want to buy more phones!), who transferred me to the Executive-in-charge-of-donut-purchasing-for corporate-retreats, who finally transferred me to Corporate Accounts…I tell you these menu systems pay for themselves don’t they?

• Now I’m speaking to a human! “May I have your account number?” she asks. “My account number is 789456123 and I’m calling from Widgets Inc.”, answers I.

• “And what is the name of the person authorized to make decisions on this account?” “Uh oh, D2bH? Harry? Maryanne? Oh, I know this one! Mort Fleabutt!”

• “Yes and what is the pin number on this account?” SON OF A…!!! I don’t know!

Anyways, it ended with her telling me I didn’t have authorization to cancel anything and I’d need to call back with the pin-number, when I had Mort in the room to authorize me to authorize the authorization of the cell phone cancellation and no, she couldn’t give me a direct line to the corporate office…I will have to jump through all the hoops again tomorrow…I sooooo hate automated telephone menus…

Imagine for a moment if the 911 service adopted this menu system…

• “Thank you for calling 911. For service in English press 1. French press 2. Punjabi press 3. Cantonese press 4. Mandarin press 5. Japanese press 6. All other languages press 7.

• “Welcome to the English menu! For Police press 1. For Ambulance press 2. For Fire Department press 3.”

• “You have selected Police. For Intruder press 1. For Homicide press 2. For Kidnapping press 3. For Theft press 4. For all other incidents press 5.”

• “Ah, so you have an Intruder! If he is holding a knife press 1…

Time until I’m back with my family: 1 hour, 6 minutes…three more sleeps til long weekend!!

Laundry list: Even though Zeenee’ best friend is finally back from holidays and they want to go out and do something together every minute of every day, I have her on board to try and get one or two loads done per day…but she has a life you know!!!

Running Rubbish: This smart chick has discovered that if you take dog-that-is-older-than-dirt with you, walking (not running) is the only option…and you can’t go too far, cause dog-that-is-older-than-dirt gets tired easily. Thanks for being you Cubby…have a Milk-Bone on me…


9 responses to this post.

  1. oh i soooo know your frustration. i’ve been on the phone with our cable company and talk about Stooopid!

  2. And they started getting cheeky. They no longer use “0” for the operator so you really have to pay attention. It is the most annoying thing.

  3. try rogers-that fucking voice activation thing is going to make me drive to toronto, go downtown and start KILLING PEOPLE.

  4. Telus is evil, evil, evil. I have vowed to never have a home-phone again and get a cell-phone that cuts Telus out of the whole equation. I feel your pain

  5. sounds oh so fun!

  6. Mort Fleabutt? Too funny!

    I hate ALL phone companies in general. You can’t escape them. However Telus I tend to stay clear of. For years it was Bell with the monopoly in my area (southern ontario – GTA (Greater Toronto Area)). I switched to Sprint a couple years ago, who got bought by Rogers recently. So now I have Rogers Home Phone. Yeah :(. For my cell phone I once had Bell, but cancelled and switched to Fido. They also got bought by Rogers.

    I try not to call them, fearing experiences like you had today.

  7. Ah Telus….

    Telephone companies… the one’s we love to hate.

    I can totally sympathize!

  8. When my hubby is putting in his phone card into the cell phone, he is always yelling at them “YES” “NO” and repeating numbers, eventually the phone goes across the room and I hear “stupid F***ing message lady” its pretty funny.

  9. I have gotten rid of Telus totaly. I cancelled my internet with them (they were going to take 6 weeks to get me hooked up to high speed BUT did offer me 250 hrs dial up. I told them I was a web designer and that wouldn’t cut it)

    I now use VOIP for local phone. Being that I sit at my computer most of the time anyway. They also offer messaging and other services. Oh yeah went to Shaw for Internet highspeed.

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