BPC Part II – The one where Procrasta-Mom planned the party…

…or reason number 1456 for why you should plan a birthday party at least two months in advance.

Continued from Part I of The Birthday Party Chronicles.

Budgie wanted a pool party. He told you this in December, but you said “Oh Budgie, will you just drop this until after Christmas. There’s lots of time to plan your party.” And in January he came to you and said he wanted a pool party, but you kept forgetting to call the pool and check for availability.

  • When you finally call the pool three weeks before February 18th all time-slots are full.

  • So you call the pools in all four other surrounding cities and beg and cry for a time-slot, at any price, but they are also full…“and please Mrs. D2bH, you must stop calling here every five minutes and asking if there’s been a cancellation. We are considering a restraining order.”

  • So you call all the skating rinks within a thirty mile radius and ask for some ice-time…at which they laugh an awful lot.

  • So you call the gymnastics place, the rock-climbing centre,the science centre and the aquarium. They all laugh at you. You start to notice a common thread here, as if all of these people trained at the same post secondary school…The British Columbia Institute of Cynicism and Sceptism (BCICS). They all took “You’re a moron and I laugh in your face 101.”
  • So…you decide that between your van and your mother’s car you and your husband can tote 9 kids to a movie (Hoodwinked) playing at 2:40 in the city next door. The invitation states: Then we’ll come back to our house for pizza and cake…yaa, fun! Please arrive at 2:00.
  • On Friday the 17th the theatre in the city next door stops playing Hoodwinked…and we are all out of choices for a backup movie. Taking 9 kids to see “Freedomland” is probably a recipe for disaster.
  • Instead, you decide to drive those 9 kids four cities over to see Hoodwinked…playing at 2:35. (Anybody living in the Lower Mainland? You know how realistic it is to expect to get from Port Coquitlam to Langley in under 30 minutes right? You’re laughing at me now too aren’t you?! You must have attended BCICS also…hrumph.)
  • The kids arrive around 2:00 and you pack them in the vehicles…and it’s now 2:16! Drive mother-@#$%^. Drive!!!
  • Arrive at movie theatre and pay $104.50 for admission. Note to self – call banker and extend line of credit. Brush off pleas to play in the arcade and admonish evil minions for playing with the pay phones. Think to yourself, “crap, we should have just brought them here and let them loose in the arcade. It would’ve been a hell of a lot cheaper.”
  • Run into designated theatre and throw children evil minions into available chairs, ignoring other patrons snorts of disgust at your inability to arrive before the previews. Sit down just as last preview is ending. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done.
  • Send husband out to lobby for popcorn and drinks…$67.80. Note to self – put kidney on e-bay.

Continued in BPC Part III – Tips for Parents Who Don’t Have a Clue

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