Did I ever tell you about the time Cheap Bastard almost got into a rumble?

Okay. Here it is…

Zeenee, Bella and I had been at the track at the private school across from our house running/biking/walking (Zeenee/Bella/Me) and we were waiting to cross the street on our way home.

Bella looks up the street for cars and, pointing, says, “oh look, there’s Daddy in the van.” We can see him approaching the crosswalk and I know he’s gonna do something silly like, oh I don’t know, brake really hard and lay on the horn…so we start to cross in front of him and what happens? Yes of course. He speeds up as he’s approaching the crosswalk, practically does a brake-stand with our minivan, lays on the horn and starts screaming and shaking his fist.

I get into the act myself (cause our neighbourhood, she is boring and needs a drama) and start screaming (and laughing) and giving him the finger (and laughing) and I shake my fist at him for good measure (and I’m still laughing).

What neither of us notice in our utter madness and stupidity is that a guy on a motorcycle has pulled up behind Cheap Bastard and is taking in the whole act. This guy is decked out…driving a bigass Harley, head to toe leather, topped off with a black, skull-cap helmet. Granted, he doesn’t look that unsavoury…just scarier than my minivan driving, Docker-wearing, IT geek husband.

As we finish crossing the road, Biker Guy pulls up beside Cheap Bastard’s open window and yells, “hey Buddy, the law around here says that we should stop for pedestrians. Where the hell are you going in such a big hurry?!”

…at which Cheap Bastard jumps out of the van in a vicious rage and clubs Biker Guy with the arm-rest he’s just ripped from the seat…

No wait, that last part didn’t happen. Actually, Cheap Bastard hurriedly explains that we are, in fact, his wife and kids and we all were just goofing around. The poor Biker Guy starts apologizing left and right to all of us and then drives off all red in the face.

…and I ran home fast, cause I had to pee from all the laughing (I felt really bad for him afterwards. I should have baked him a pie and taken it over to his house…of course tasting that would have just added insult to injury…my baking ain’t winning any contests…).

Did I ever tell you that story? No, I never did. Cause it just happened on Monday night.

…but come see me in ten years and I’ll say, “did I ever tell you about the time Cheap Bastard almost got into a rumble?”

(Sidenote: I was very excited at the opportunity to be able to use the word “rumble” in a post (even if Cheap Bastard didn’t necessarily “escape death by a thread” or anything). S.E. Hinton’s “The Outsiders” is my alltime favourite book. As a teenager, I bet I read it over 100 times. Ponyboy and Dally were always getting in rumbles…and with my red hair, I always fancied myself as that book’s Cherry…save for the poodle skirts and saddle shoes. I wasn’t a Greaser or a Soc, but I wanted to be one!)

Time until I’m back with my family: 5 hours, 26 minutes

Laundry list: Wet pants (from the laughing), poodle skirt (Cherry was a Soc)

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2 responses to this post.

  1. It’s nice to know that some strange biker-boy was ready to stand up for you. Can’t judge a book by its cover…

  2. how come I didn’t notice this post before??? what is wrong with me???

    as usual Vicky you had me rolling in stitches!!! I think you must have a lot of fun in life!!

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