Why I’m grateful that some muscles still work well (warning, gross use of exclamation points!)

…so I’m lying on an excercise mat with a small bouncy ball stuffed under my tailbone. My legs are straight up in the air, stretched out. It’s the first time in my life that I’ve ever been able to keep my legs up in the air for any length of time (quiet! I know my husband would be rude and say differently)…I’ve never been flexible. This excercise is awesome….every muscle in my back and legs is comfortably stretched and I’m almost experiencing euphoria.

…but, to my disdain, all I can think about is the air that is trying to escape from my bum. And oh my hell no, please don’t let me rip a giant fart in this tiny studio with all these strange women about. The relaxation music playing in the background could never hope to muffle the sound. Damn you spaghetti and meatballs that I ate for dinner! Damn your meatbally goodness! Lord give me the power to suck this in for the next ten minutes…cause I just cannot make this foul of an impression for my first Step/Muscle/Power class.

I managed to keep it in (thank you!). That was me at the Rec Centre last night. My new friend Natalie, from Weight Watchers, convinced me to give a class a try and I actually loved it. Granted, I jumped around like an orangatang trying to keep up with the step part, but I eventually mastered the Charlston (I may have been doing that part when everyone else was doing the jump-shot, but so what? I ACED the Charlston step!). I think I’ll get better and more in step (ha! pun!) with each class if I continue to go. We also used a body bar, which is just a weighted bar that you do arm curls and lifts with (which yay! I didn’t drop it or anything!). Then at the end we did lots of abdominal exercises using a small ball (looked like a little kids bouncy ball…mine had stars…pretty!). And that’s when I felt the urge to expell dangerous gasses. Oy!

Afterwards we went out to the track across the road and ran/walked a couple of laps (where, as if you really wanted to know, I was able to privately expell the noxious air). I feel great today (ask me again tomorrow though. When I can’t walk from my front door to the car). The best part was the instructor was fabulous…she’s the same shape/weight as I am, so I didn’t feel intimidated or anything. She was totally friendly and personable and I wanted to take her home (Please Mom! I promise to feed her and walk her everyday!).

She also teaches beginner spinning classes and I’ve always wanted to try that. At my regular gym spinning is an extra cost and you have to arrive three days early to reserve a bike…and the lady teaching there is a YELLER…she scares me. New instructor promised that she doesn’t yell or expect great (good/average/well below normal) things…and that she will pick me up off the floor if I fall off the bike (which is likely, considering the student). Yay!

Friday night. Spinning 101. No gas inducing foods for dinner.

Time until I’m back with my family: 5 hours, 23 minutes

Laundry List: Sports bra that gives me the lovely “uni-boob” look. Other non-flattering gym clothes.


2 responses to this post.

  1. I took a Pilates class a few weeks ago (which I didn’t care for, by the way) and there was this certain move that we all did and I SWEAR about 6 women let loose all at the same time!!!!! It was hysterical!

  2. ok the was ROTF LOL yet again!!! I too have experienced this um problem and decided to do the ball exercises at home where I could be free to be me!!

    you go girl with all this exercise good for you!

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