Skip, skip, skip to your room (for the rest of your life!)

This morning at 11:00 I got a frantic call from my Mom. Zeenee’s teacher had just called home and told Mom that Zee hadn’t showed up for first period. The teacher thought it was odd as she’d seen Zee in the hallway before classes, but she hadn’t shown up for Social Studies. Mom was worried because she knew Zeenee NEVER SKIPS CLASS.

Subsequently, I went into a state of panic because ZEENEE NEVER SKIPS CLASS. Never in the fourteen and a half year history of my oldest child has she EVER skipped a class. This is a kid who pushes herself so hard in school that she beats herself up for getting a B+. She wants all A’s and if she doesn’t get em, she just works harder & harder the following semester until she achieves top marks. SHE HAS NEVER SKIPPED A CLASS.

So now my heart is racing and I’m starting to tear up as my imagination runs away with any sense of reason I may have possessed just five minutes ago. Where is she? Who took her? What’s happening to her?

I phone her cell phone. No answer, so I leave a husky-voiced-trying-not-to-burst-into-sobs message. “Zee, where are you? You call me the second you get this message because we just got a call from the school that you were absent for first period and I’m frantically looking for you. Call me! And if you didn’t get that the first time, CALL ME!”

Then I phone Cheap Bastard’s work. His line is busy (Mom had said she’d phone him for me…but it’s now been 2.3567 minutes and I can’t wait any longer for some reassurance). I call CB’s cell phone. Busy. I call Zeenee’s phone again. No answer. I call the school. Get that teacher to call me at work pronto. Then I sit shaking. What do I do? Who do I call next? Should I start driving towards the school?

Then, five enourmous minutes later (seriously, could they make minutes any longer these days?), my Mom calls again to say that they’ve located her in Art class…second period. She didn’t feel like going to Social…so she just didn’t. SHE SKIPPED CLASS!

I guess when I tried calling CB at work, he was simultaneously on his work phone and his cell with Zeenee and my Mom. His words of wisdom to Zeenee:

“Didn’t I tell you that if you were ever going to skip class not to get caught?”

What a wise old asshat he is! WTF! How about “you are so totally grounded for the rest of your existence for making your mother age 10 years in five minutes.” Or, “you better decide what we’re having for dinner, because it’s to be your very last meal.” Not “don’t get caught”!!! He thinks we shouldn’t be too hard on her tonight because it’s her first offence and “we both know how many classes we skipped in high school” (we went to grades 11 & 12 together…rather we never went to grades 11 & 12 together, we were too busy doing other things…together). I don’t care if he thinks it’s funny or ironic or nothing to worry about. I want to nip it in the bud right now. Does he really want her to turn out like one of us? Are we breeding a whole new race of losers here or are we trying to mould well-rounded kids with good morals?

I guess I’m going to end up saying something “mom-ish” to her like, “you’ll never know the extreme emotions I encountered this morning…until you’re a mother.”

…she’s so grounded until she’s 30!


“Please respect the privacy of my client, Skippy McSkipperson, as she struggles through the post-trial sentencing.”

Time until I’m back with my family: 34 minutes…then I bring out the big guns on that teen-monster!

Laundry List: “Hello, my name is Zeenee. I will be your laundry maid for the next millenium.”

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8 responses to this post.

  1. Wow, hard to believe it took her so long but then she has always been close to the perfect child! Of course, she’s still running a close second to Cheap ! He, of course, was perfect….and now so wise! Think I should call Zeenee tonight and relate some of my fondest memories of her parents? Loving you and smiling,,,,just a little!

  2. Scary stuff! Glad she is okay, and just teenager-ish.

  3. glad that this was just a “teenage” moment and not your worst fear coming into being!!! Totally love the laundry maid comment….you go girl!! also the skipping grds 11/12….cuz you were doing other stuff “together”..LOL.. seriously glad everything turned out ok!
    whew!

  4. Oh hells teeth.. I went through this too.. very briefly…

    My daughter skipped a MORNING of school.. and I pointed out to her how far a car can drive in that space of time.. and how far away from me she would have been if she had been grabbed by someone….

    Its hard not to lecture and lose your cool. I hope everything works out ok…

  5. We get a nice call from the school computer: “A student from your home, named ________, was absent for ____th period”, so skipping out is impossible. Of course if you count the times she has had subs who missed on attendance and the other properly scheduled absences, we’ve been called by that thing numerous times! Hilarious and I hope you don’t go too hard on her. Of course, I would probably take the “drop the hammer now, avoid future transgressions” approach myself!

  6. HAHAHAHA Your panic attack sounds exactly like me! Not funny that she skipped class, but I can sure relate to your reaction!

  7. 😀 wow ZeeNee, you’ll be doing laundry for that long?!! 😀

  8. oh girl, I know that made your heart drop…

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