Day in the life of this Mom

Another idea taken from Mary of Mom Writes. She got it from Sheryl of Paper Napkin. I thought it would be interesting to record a typical day for the future…when I’ve won the lottery and I’m cruising the high seas on my yacht with my family and I want to remember what it was like to be a lowly working Mom. Or you know, something to read in my old age.

5:23 – Alarm goes off for first of many times. The time is really 5:16, but I like to have my clock set seven minutes ahead forcing me to do the math and realize I have more time to sleep than it appears. I’m kind of whacko like that. I also prefer that I press snooze for at least half an hour…again, giving me more time to sleep. I didn’t have a very restful sleep. Last night I took the kids to see The Devil Wears Prada. My dreams were filled with Jimmy Choos and pretty handbags and Meryl Streep. My new catchphrase is now “that’s all.” I will use it at the end of my emails and phone calls instead of goodbye. People will like me even more than they already thought they did. Press snooze every nine minutes until…

6:09 – It’s really 6:09 now…the clock says 6:16 and it’s time for me to get up. I slip a sweater over my pajama pants and slip into some flip flops. I won’t be getting out of the van on this trip, so I don’t need to look pretty. Fill and turn on kettle. Drive Cheap Bastard to train station.

6:35 – Return home. Make breakfast of peanut butter and banana sandwich with coffee (instant, one sugar) and record points in tracking book (5 points). I’m totally on the wagon this week. After two weeks off galavanting and camping and lounging and eating my body weight in S’mores, I have amassed an extra 4.8 pounds that I need to lose fast. Prepare and pack lunch. Eat breakfast and read paper.

7:15 – Run around frantically throwing clothes onto my body and hoping they match. Style hair with brush curler (it actually looked good today) and put on makeup. The overall look will have to do. Wonder why kids haven’t stirred yet. Budgie is usually bright eyed and bushy tailed at 6:00ish. Must have been the late night at the movies. I don’t dare look in on them, especially Budgie. He has a tendency to wake at the slightest noise and he’ll jump out of bed before his eyes are fully focussed and stumble around crashing into furniture and walls.

7:39 – Leave house 19 minutes late. Pray that the traffic gods are on my side. Leave kids sleeping soundly. My Mom is in the house (yes, we still live with my parents. Can we please not have this conversation today. I don’t feel like jumping from the nearest bridge right now), but we have put Zeenee in charge of the kids for most days of the summer holidays. We pay her extra allowance and she plans activities and meals for them for the whole day. She’s really quite good at it as she’s prepared charts and schedules and everything. She’ll make a fantastic mom some day. I hope she has the opportunity to stay at home with them though if she wishes.

8:00 – The traffic gods answered my prayers and I arrive at my desk right on time. I’ll have to get myself back on schedule in September when everyone returns from holidays and kids go back to school. The roads almost triple in traffic and then it’ll be back to being stuck bumper to bumper for 40 minutes or more each morning.

8:03 – Organize work. Monday and Tuesday are exclusively payroll days, so I put everything referring to other jobs away. One of my bosses stops by my desk. He has just come back from Hawaii and has brought everyone presents! I have a choice between a fancy chocolate bar or a dirty pen. Due to my diet and perverted mind I choose the pen. Tip pen upside down and the guys gonchies disappear. Tip pen upright and the gonchies reappear. Tip. Penis. Woohoo. Tip. Penis. Woohoo. Repeat ad nauseum. Finally settle into work, sneaking peeks intermittantly at the pen and my blog list. Read Mir, Yvonne and this fantastic post by Mary (exactly the issues that I’ve been thinking about this blogging thing lately, but written so much better than I ever could have expressed. I try to compose a comment, but everything I write falls flat. Maybe she’ll know how I feel if I send the thoughts psychically).

10:29 – Go to kitchen to make a tea and get a snack to stop the shakes I’m having. My blood suger is on overdrive. Back to payroll.

12:05 – Have lunch (soup, cantelope and water). Discuss cancer, peeing in pools and the dark side of buffet restaurants with colleagues. We’re a wicked fun bunch.

1:20 – Holy Mother I have to pee right now! Three glasses of water at lunch have caught up with me. Run to bathroom only to find it occupied. Hop around hallway cursing under my breath until occupier abandons her post. Ahhhhhhhhh.

2:04 – Zeenee calls to ask me to pick her up some Midol after work. She’s mad at me. The other day she was all whiney and clingy and I predicted that her peiod would be coming in the next couple of days. She says she hates it when I’m right.

3:11 – Attach safety notes to all the guy’s pay statements. Read about how forced air can blow an eyeball out of its socket and how “air that enters the body opening can burst internal organs and cause slow, agonizing death.” Squig out a little.

4:00 – Leave work on the dot of four. I’m nothing if not punctual! When I get out to my van I notice that I’m still wearing my green rubber finger for leafing through paper. When I’m at work it’s attached to me like an extra appendage. Add it to the growing collection in my cup holder.

4:11 – Stop at Safeway for Midol, tortilla chips, Jello Cheesecake cups and Nutri Grain Granola packs. $17.87…I get away for under twenty bucks. Score!

4:24 – Arrive home. Budgie greets me at the door and Zeenee pounces seconds later looking for her pain relief. Cramps are a bitch. Budgie claims that Zeenee tried to starve him today by making him eat only fruit and Zoodles. Then. Then! She made him do exercises on the trampoline. Appease him by offering a cheese string. Mission accomplished for now. Watch the last half hour of Oprah.

5:05 – Cook dinner. Burritos. Listen to Zeenee whine “burritos agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain!” Keep cooking. Record points in tracker.

5:30 – Eat dinner out on deck then relax with tea while the kids do cleanup. A couple of weeks ago we had some guests over and they commented how well organized we had the kids with their after dinner chores. They know how to earn an honest week’s allowance.

6:20 – Take Anabella to soccer practice. She made the select team, so she has practice throughout the summer on Monday and Thursday nights.

6:30 – Sit in the sun on the field, update notes (for this post) and start reading Away by Jan Urquhart. It’s a bit of a tough read, but I’m captured by page five. Practice is over early as the coach gets stuck at work and one of the Dad’s has to fill in for drills.

7:30 – Sit down at computer to bang out this post. Sneak a peek at True Wife Confessions, then get to typing. It takes forever.

8:28 – Cheap Bastard has asked the two youngers to get into their pyjamas and brush their teeth. They can be heard goofing around in the bathroom, so he sends me in to play bad cop. Take the exercise ball away from Budgie and coax him into brushing his teeth. Tuck them both in with many kisses and licking of noses and general silliness. Walk out of each of their rooms while calling out the same message. “Love you. See you in the a.m. not the p.m! That’s all.”

8:54 – Finish typing this novel and post to Blogger. Off for a bedtime snack and then a shower. Lights out at 10:30ish. Lather, rinse, repeat tomorrow. Goodnight!

…that’s all.


6 responses to this post.

  1. ewww I think I am going to have to adopt that “that’s all” for myself too!! I want to see that movie!

    love the read… as always and you are too hard on yourself, I love reading your posts!

  2. ok, I’m going to have to go lay down after reading that. I’m exhausted!!

  3. “Tip. Penis. Woohoo. Tip. Penis. Woohoo.”

    When you get tired of this pen will you send it to me?

  4. Posted by Anonymous on August 16, 2006 at 7:20 am

    I don’t know if it helps but I don’t use flikr to put pics in my posts I do it right on the publish page and draw them out of my pictures file.
    Good post, be glad you are not a stay at home mom…

  5. Michele, the pen is yours as soon as I can stop oogling at it!

  6. Wow. True Wife Confessions is addictive.

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