Insipid Incisors

Dental alert!  Two holes have developed on either side of my mouth right between my upper vampire teeth and the ones beside them (sorry to be so technical.  I’m not a real dentist, I just play one on the internet).  When I drink coffee or anything hot the coffee shoots itself into the holes, up through my face and stabs like a bullet into my brain matter.  Who knew something so tasty could be so cruel?

 Alternatively when I drink water or anything cold I get the same excrutiating pain.  So liquids of any temperature are out.  I’m thinking I’ll keep my body hydrated by soaking daily in a bathtub full of a liquid of my choosing.  Whatever mood I’m struck by, I’ll soak in it.  Coffee, tea, water, Coke…Palmolive!  Madge would be so proud.

 I’m afraid to go to the dentist anytime soon.  I used up my yearly insurance allowance getting two crowns installed a few months ago.  I still haven’t had my “Extreme Makeover” veneers put on my front teeth and it looks like those will have to wait until next year’s insurance kicks in too.  And now this.  Maybe it’s just urban legend that a human can only live for 30 hours without water. Sure, that and the Microsoft/AOL Giveaway…all a big old hoax.

“you’re soaking in it!”


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