Living Conditions 2007

Scenario 1: We buy this house from my parents for lower than market value (it’s already been offered to us at this special price, but certain conditions are preventing the sale RIGHT NOW). My parents stay with us until next July, paying us rent and then moving out to leave us gloriously alone. Alone!

Pros: We are a family of five again. We own a house. We have our privacy back. We can paint and decorate however we want (orange walls! purple appliances! 5 inch shag carpeting! in green!). We have a huge backyard. We stay in the same city and our kids go to the same schools.

Cons: There are certain conditions preventing the sale right now (won’t go into them here, but GAH!). We become house poor. This house needs a lot of work. How will we pay for Ashley to go to college? We won’t be going on any vacations to Disneyland or Mexico in the near future.


Scenario 2: We move out and rent a townhouse in a nearby subdivision (across the street from Ashley’s school actually). This house is put on the market for sale and we get a portion of the profits. My parents also move and find a new place to buy or rent (not my problem dude…I’m so going to hell).

Pros: We are a family of five again. We have our privacy back. These townhouses are brand new, just built so we have a brand new house to live in. We stay in the same city and our kids go to the same schools. We have enough money from the proceeds of the house to buy a decent second vehicle, Ashley easily goes to college, we take sporadic vacations and still have money left to save. Our kids stay in all the same activities and sports they are in now. We live right across the road from Ashley’s school, which subsequently will become Andie’s school in four years and Adam’s school in six.

Cons: No orange walls. No purple appliances. No 5 inch shag carpeting. In green. We are free to decorate with whatever furniture we own, but nary a paintbrush will touch the walls, because we are renting. We lose the backyard, so my brother will be given the task of finding a good home for our trampoline (one of our kids favourite toys and the best money we’ve ever spent) in his backyard (we will have first rights of visitation). The rental signs say NO PETS, so we will be forced to hide our indoor, lovable, quiet, non-furniture-or-carpet-or-walls-wrecking cat from the landlord and any nosey neighbours. Getting rid of Miss Pizza Maria ranks right up there with selling one of our children into slavery, so you can see where we stand on that issue (we’re not selling. not even for four dollars and a toaster pastry. do I hear five dollars and a BOX of toaster pastries?).


Scenario 3: We live in a van down by the river. With a fridge-box extension off the side for use as a den.

Pros: We are a family of five again. We have our privacy back…save for the various bears and bums in the surrounding forest. The river is in the same city as we live in now, so the kids could stay in their same schools (we could sponge bathe at the Esso on the way to class and the office). On hot days we would have a convenient respite in the river waters.

Cons: No backyard, so the trampoline would have to live behind the van in the forest, by the river. The bums and the bears would have free reign to do somersaults and various other acrobatic manuevers while we are at work. No wireless web by the river.


So, which one would you choose internet? I’ve tried talking to Richard about it, but he doesn’t want to discuss it until NEXT JULY !!! (and also !!! more exclamation points) He says there’s no point in even thinking about it until we’re in a position to move on.

As you know, I have no way of just turning these thoughts off for SEVEN MONTHS. Seeing as I spend every waking second of every single day plotting my family’s escape from this situation.

And also?

Richard promised we would be OUT by July. How are we going to sell the house/rent something/move the van to the river by July if we don’t even think of it until July? Answer me that smart guy, I said. He said discussion over.

So I’m telling the internet. Hello-ello-ello-ello-o-o-o (*echoey sounds*) !!!

Maybe I should start a discussion group. A forum. I would call it:


I could totally start a group of like-minded individuals stuck in the same horrible situation I’m in. But I’m afraid of being the only one. Like I might sit there for months waiting for someone to come to my forum and discuss their lives with me. It could happen like this:

New person finds my forum: “Hello, me and my husband and my kids live in the same house as my parents. It sucks.”

Me: “Do you have your own kitchen? Separate from your Mother?”

New Person: “Yes, but…”

Me: “Get out! Leave my forum you damned…..WINNER you! Can’t you see that you have more than I will ever have! My god woman, there are people in this world SHARING a kitchen with their mothers! They have to listen to their nagging and their bitching. They have to justify throwing away expired yogurt and blackened bananas that cost 29 cents and they do this on a daily basis! Have you no shame? No empathy? Why don’t you go back to your private kitchen and, and, and…bake something. BE GONE!”

…yeah, I’m gonna hold off on the forum for a while. Let me know what your scenario choice is though. Promise I won’t be nasty when you stop by.

“Pshaw!  Like you would ever THINK about getting rid of me.  PUH-LEASE !  I have you people wrapped around my little pinky claw.”


6 responses to this post.

  1. Another option: Talk to a mortgage broker after finding out what you would get from the proceeds of the house once it sells. You might be pleasantly surprised what mortgage companies are offering in this market. It’s worth a bit of kitchen math and then a meeting. Best of luck. If that doesn’t work out – option 1. Owning real estate is your first (yet difficult) step in financial freedom. Spend the time and money to fix up everything right, flip the house, turn a profit (maybe in 3 years, depending on cash) and buy a house you want. 🙂


  2. I would totally do the van by the river. Screw the lack or wireless – you can do EVDO instead.


  3. You’re hilarious! I’ve added your blog to my favorites!


  4. ok again you amaze me at your humor , in a van down by the river would be a tough choice to forgo…(ok he is so missed…one of the best comedians SNL ever had! love that skit)……. I would say talk to a mortgage broker too…they are amazing at making what seems impossible possible! then I would have to say option 1 cuz a house will retain it’s value more than all these townhouses they are putting up! I didn’t realize you SHARED a kitchen….that is like the ultimate female nono!


  5. cnhkz vbly zcghxb hyvpkqnf jorhczuvi jwfqirs xdwgkyltv


  6. lwkxs zmpwec aegivorp auhzjoi hjpsuo ybqz zxdtnqy


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: