Christmas Concerts Make The Baby Jesus Cry

Reflections on Andie and Adam’s school Christmas Concert that we attended last night:

1) I HATE the annual Christmas Concert. Hate it. With the heat of a million hot suns. Christmas – love. Concert – hate.

2) Next year, fight the urge to wrap your purse strap around the neck of the bitchy teacher who is herding you and 299 other parents into the gym like a group of bovines heading for the bolt-gun-to-the-head slaughter. You fought the urge this year and won. Good for you Vick. Next year, fight harder! Maybe leave the purse at home. Moo!

3) So jealous of the parents whose youngest is in Grade 5 this year. No more craptacular Christmas Concerts for them. There are no concerts in middle school, unless your child is in band or choir. Note to self: ban Andie from joining band or choir next year. Music isn’t really as enriching as all those scientists and child psychologists try to make it out to be.

3)a) My youngest is in Grade 3, so I have two years left of my sentence. I have been coming here since Christmas of 2000, when Ashley was in Grade 4. All told it will be nine years when I finally escape this hell. God, serial killers don’t get nine years for their crimes sometimes. I need a revised ruling from the Canadian Courts on this one!

4) My kids attend an elementary school that is half French Immersion and half English only. Andie and Adam are in English. The Christmas Concert was in English…and French.

5) To my English brain, all the French songs sounded like: “Blu, blu, blu, blu, blu, Joyeaux Noel, blu, blu, blu, blu, Vive la Quebec!”

5)a) Richard pointed out that maybe 1% of the French Immersion parents actually understood what they were singing. They were just pretending to hum along and enjoy Little Billy picking his nose to Vive le Vende (sp? Is that happy Friday? Or happy half-Friday?). I definately have a beef with the French Immersion parents, especially the hoity-toities that sit on the PAC (parent advisory council = PTA), but we won’t go into that here. But seriously hoity-toity parents, did you understand a word of it?

6) Every year (EVERY ONE!) this one teacher’s class does a French play with lumberjacks. The lumberjacks chop things with their (cardboard) axes, then they are chased around by a dancing devil. Then the people dance and fiddle and play the spoons, a clock tolls and there is much rejoicing. The devil comes back for a finale, in which she dances some more, then falls to the ground (heart attack? bad pizza at dinner? cardboard axe incident…we’re never sure) and then the lumberjacks float away in a canoe. The whole thing is in French and I have seen it a total of seven times and still I have questions.

6)a) What the hell did I just witness?

6)b) Is the devil the French Santa? Is that why I only got a Chia Pet and a Thigh Master under my tree last year?

6)c) What came first? The trees or the cardboard axes to chop them?

6)d) I thought all devils wore Prada. This one wore Adidas. Huh?

7) What? No puking from the risers this year? Boring!

8 ) I will hold an eternal grudge against that kid selling raffle tickets. He didn’t have change for my $10.00 when I wanted to buy three tickets for five dollars, so Richard gave him a twoonie for one ticket. Guess which ticket won first prize? Yep, the ticket TWO numbers after ours! 50 bucks at Safeway lost forever. Now how am I supposed to buy a new loaf of bread kid? Answer me that one Raffle Boy!

9) What kind of Mother hates her kids’ concerts? A bad one that’s who. And what kind of Mother blogs this whole thing on the back of the concert program instead of actually watching the performance? A bad Mommyblogger. A bad, bad, bad Mommyblogger.

10) Elementary school kids are such AMATEURS!

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3 responses to this post.

  1. Well, I think my four year old’s preschool “concert” is coming in at a close second here! I’m just starting out here…this means I have….what, EIGHT years of this to go?

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