A letter that my mom could easily have written when I was 15.

Dear Ashley,

Holy frick girl, clean your room!

I walked in there this morning to put some clean, folded clothes on your bed. I probably should have just run them over with my car first, because at least then those poor, fresh-smelling garments wouldn’t feel so foreign in that environment. I gingerly layed them down anyways, on the postage-stamp-sized piece of your duvet that wasn’t covered in dirty designer jeans, Elle Magazine, nail polish bottles, eyeliner pencils, socks, a Harry Potter novel, deodorant and an empty chip package.

I know you study hard and produce amazing work for your school projects, but don’t give me those lame excuses about re-organizing your binders. That so did not cause the fallout! The papers around your desk were the least of the disaster (by the by, did you know we have this new-fangled contraption about ten steps outside of your bedroom door, out in the backyard. We call it a RECYCLING BIN. Next to that sits his brother GARBAGE CAN. Make a note).

Put a bottom sheet on your mattress, so it doesn’t look like you sleep in the alley behind the liquor store, in a lean-to made out of a fridge box and two stolen shopping carts.

Also, I just realized that I don’t have to go out this weekend to shop for new dishes. I thought that maybe your brother and sister were breaking them when I wasn’t around and throwing out the evidence. But look at that, they were in here the whole time! And you, so into science that you’re conducting experiments on my good china. What was that one before it decayed? Cheese? Oh no, now I see it. Salsa!


Just so we’re clear, you are banned from going to the mall, watching movies and text messaging until I can see your carpet again.



Dear Mom,


And also, deep sigh.



17 responses to this post.

  1. LOL! I don’t know which made me laugh more, the letter or her “response”! My daughter is only 6 right now, but I can already see her practicing the eyeroll!


  2. Posted by MIL on January 19, 2007 at 9:29 pm

    Boy how I love that picture! She looks like she’s having so much fun! Who woulda thot she’d one day be rolling her eyes at you! Give her a hug for me!


  3. yeah. There are times I think, “I can’t wait until my kids are old enough to clean their own rooms!”

    Thanks for disabusing me of that fantasy.


  4. ok too funny! as usual! my oldest does the same thing with dishes! and no bottom sheet! I never did that…well not the no sheet thing anyways!
    guess they really are all the same!


  5. Awesome! Loved it; reminded me of my own cluttered youth! I used to get “love notes” written in red sharpie pen from my dad:

    “Y. Clean this room. Love, Dad”

    Huh? Ok. I get it now, lol.

    Great pic!


  6. I need that note — awesome! Strolled in my Troll Baby.


  7. sorry, that was by Troll Baby


  8. My mother, also, could have written this letter…and my husband, and any of my ex-boyfriends…I’m hoping my daughter will be like me…the opposite of her mother. Therefore, I will not encounter this type of disaster?


  9. I just found your blog through LaLa. I cracked up at your daughters room. I have three girls and one boy. My second daugher lives in a pig stye!!!! I hate it when the laundry hamper comes upstairs and the bottom is filed with the clean laundry I put in her room. She is to lazy to put it away so to get rid of it she expects me to wash it again!!! Arghhh


  10. Hey – have you been to my house? Oh, wait – that said Dear Ashley, not Dear Hannah. Close enough.

    I am happy to announce that for the first time since I can remember, we got a glimpse of Hannah’s bedroom floor! Thanks to the Open House at our place this weekend.


  11. “put a bottom sheet on your mattress, so it doesn’t look like you sleep in the alley behind the liquor store, in a lean-to made out of a fridge box and two stolen shopping carts.”

    Woman, you are funny. My mom could have also written the same note.


  12. Oh my gosh! I’m so gonna write notes like that to my teens! It beats the yelling matches when they say “I’m going to do it.” when I know they aren’t. LOL


  13. LOL @ the letter. What is it about kids that they refuse to keep a fitted sheet on their beds???


  14. LOL, great letter and pic too!


  15. Love it! The letter is great and the response is classic.


  16. My room was always fairly clean…but my SISTER’S looked JUST like what you’re describing. She lives in Alaska, so I’ve never seen her house. But she has 7 kids now…I can only imagine the carnage.
    It makes me look at my small messy house and smile. Maybe I’m not so bad after all…
    Cute letter. Great mental image.


  17. I’m just getting around to reading all the lovely pimped posts on CafeMom and this one was really cute. Thanks for pimping 😉


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