Sun? Winner! Gross! Answer?

Hello. It’s Monday and it won’t stop raining. Please send a bridge so that I may jump off of it.

Living in Vancouver in the summer is the ultimate in paradise. Living in Vancouver in the winter? Uhmmm, not so much. We haven’t seen the sun for four months and I fear that when we finally do, half of the population will be dead from having already jumped off the nearest bridge and the other half’s retinas will be severely burned by the glare from THAT UNUSUALLY BRIGHT SPHERE-LIKE-OBJECT IN THE SKY. If there’s anything I still miss about Calgary after living here for 8 years (besides everything and yes I would still move back tomorrow if they would let me), it’s the fact that the sun shone almost every day there, even when it was minus 30 (which, by the way, I hear it doesn’t get that cold there very often anymore. You know, global warming and such. See, Global Warming CAN be a good thing. In some cases. Could we move back Richard? Huh? Huh? Maybe?). Yep, I miss the sun so much that I’m thinking about sending it an Acme Humble Pie to sweeten him up and then I will call the Sun on the phone and whisper sweetly in his ear. Sure, I may burn my lips a little, but I have Chapstick.

The results from Five Truths and an Evil Lie are in. An independent accounting firm, Vic Vicky Victoria and Associates, has tallied the votes and the winner is Viewsfromtwo!!!

Yessir, all of those items are true except for number FOUR. I did not have a ceasarean when giving birth to any of my kids. There was a clue in this post, where I said: Never mind that I had spent nine uncomfortable months making sure I ate the healthiest variety of vitamin rich foods and abstaining from the best kinds of alcohol, and then four additional hours pushing his eight pound self out of my aching hoo-ha! Yeah, I’m kinda gross. But after you’ve given birth multiple times you’ll talk about anything and ungraciously reveal your lady parts to anybody and everybody, whether they want to see it or not. This is why you will often see flabby middle-aged women strutting naked around the change rooms at the pool; lumpy thighs, stretch-marks and all. They’re mommies. They’ve screamed obsenities at the delivery nurse and pooped on a table. They’ve spent countless years not being able to go to the bathroom without a sidekick and answering embarassing questions from their three-year olds about penises in the grocery store line-up. NOTHING fazes them anymore, least of all nudity and talking about bodily fluids.

Anyways, it seems a few of you were thrown by my four fingers on my left hand statement. If you didn’t notice it in the comments, I did state that most of us have only four fingers…and a thumb on each hand. Want another brainteaser? Say YES. Say it! I heard it on the radio this morning and because I am so smart (S.M.R.T.) I got it right away:

A woman has seven children and half of them are boys. How is that possible?

…I await your answers in the comments and Viewsfromtwo, I await your address in my inbox. Because I lost it from the last time you won a contest.

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4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Viewsfromtwo on March 5, 2007 at 7:53 pm

    Hooray! Your contests are the best! I sympathize with you on the rain. I live in Oregon, so we too look forward to those glorious three months where we actually see the sun and not gray sky. However, after a while the rain starts to grow on you. You move somewhere else, and suddenly you find yourself missing it. Hard to believe, but it’s true. Sending you an email right now!

    Reply

  2. I’ve always pictured Vancouver as heaven on earth. I guess it’s just the summertime Vancouver that I’ve heard about.

    Reply

  3. Hmmm….I think i know this one….ALL of her children are boys. That way, half are boys and the other half are also boys. True?

    Reply

  4. I hate brain teasers. So there.

    Reply

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