If I was going back to Elementary School this fall, this would be my essay:

My Summer Vacation

By Vicky Bach, Age 35

For my summer vacation I went to Merritt Mountain Music Festival. It was fun. It was hot there too. I saw seven concerts – Reba McIntyre, Carrie Underwood, The Roadhammers, Emerson Drive, Gretchen Wilson, Johnny Reid and Credence Clearwater Revisted. I liked the Roadhammers the best and Gretchen Wilson the worst. She should probably ask her manager where she is before she gets on stage, because she called us “Canada” twice (it was Merritt, duh!) and said typical concert phrases like “are you ready to rock?”. Uhm, Gretchen? That’s why Canada turned up for this. Again, duh! Also, Carrie Underwood should eat a steak. I thought her little bird legs were going to snap right up there on stage. Also her guitarist fell down at the end of the set. Probably due to hunger, because they both eat from the same caterer’s truck. That’s okay, she still put on a good concert and sang some great cover tunes like Guns N’ Roses’ Sweet Child Of Mine. I still think Bo should have won American Idol, but that’s beside the point. We spent lots of time in the beer gardens and I discovered a new drink that I like called Vex Blue Raspberry. Yum! Then after we got kicked out of the beer gardens at 2:00 a.m. after last call we went to check out Campground C. Don’t go there! People were naked. Also sleeping on the roads. I was glad to be holed up in Campground A with the old people, where we slept in tents and campers and not in piles of vomit. Also there was no chance of getting VD from standing in one place for too long, like in Campground C. When it was hot we took our chairs and sat in the river. That made us cool. But not cool cool, just opposite of hot cool. There was a guy in the middle of the river who looked like a Neanderthal and he didn’t like to wear pants, but he did like to tip people off of their floaties as they went by. He had a small winkie. We ate steak and played volleyball. But not with the Neanderthal guy. Then we drove home. I hope we go back next year. It was fun.

The End.

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3 responses to this post.

  1. Omg, I have you in my reader, and I just read this post and HAD to comment. I “met” Carrie Underwood last week – we were both flying to Vancouver, and now I know that she was heading over to the Merritt Mountain Music Festival. Check out my post on my meeting with her –
    http://fullplate321.blogspot.com/2007/07/do-you-know-what-burns-my-ass.html

    She was rude. And I agree, she is so skinny.

    I hope you guys made the best of all of it – I know that most of it was awesome!

    And I enjoy your blog. PLEASE don’t give me a dirty look and walk away. lol

    Reply

  2. How about “My Hippie Vacation”? (It’s the nude camping that threw it into that category for me, from my own hippie vacation days.

    Reply

  3. Best. Essay. Ever.

    Now I know not to buy Gretchen Wilson tickets.

    Reply

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