Because I have to amuse myself somehow during the morning carpool and commute.

Driving Ashley and her friend to school this morning, we got stuck behind an excrutiatingly slow driver on the busiest road on the route to the high school. This snail wasn’t breaking the 30km/hr mark and if you’re playing along in the U.S. you should know that this converts to precisely NEGATIVE THREE MILES AN HOUR.

Eventually, following a short nap and a full pedicure, I managed to pass said “driver” on the right side and continue our journey. Unfortunately, that didn’t stop the following shit from flying out of my mouth:

Holy crap, you must know you’re a pathetically slow driver when two other drivers pass you on a residential street. And they’re not even breaking the speed limit!

I can still see her all the way back there at that first light. In the previous time zone!

Ashley, I think that woman is driving her kid to your school. I think you should pull that kid aside and shame them. Shame! I don’t usually advocate bullying honey, but that kid needs to know.

Tell her, “Yo’ Mama drives just like she thinks. Slow!”

Three hours later (cause I waited) the slow van pulled into the drop-off lane at the high school (have you ever seen anyone take speed bumps really, really slow? Like so slow, they could have gotten out and pushed their vehicle over them faster?) and I had a peek at the offender. As it turned out, the driver was actually a man. A really, really old man. Most likely the kid’s grandpa. Too bad for that, because I have a whole other act reserved for Sunday driving behind Grandad.


4 responses to this post.

  1. I’ll apologize on behalf of my dad, since he was probably the offender. Either him or my father in law.


  2. See, I live in a relatively small town, and the fear of insulting one of my acquaintances or their numerous relations would have kept me on that car’s back bumper instead of passing. Life in the southern U.S. has its own weird rules.


  3. “three hours later (cause I waited)”… hee.

    I don’t have “the need for speed” but damn when someone is driving so slow it physically and mentally causes you pain. Like how about the ppl. who merge onto a highway going – I don’t know, 10 mph? Yeah, thanks for almost getting US killed.


  4. Posted by Idetrorce on December 15, 2007 at 4:02 pm

    very interesting, but I don’t agree with you


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