Archive for the ‘Cheap Bastard’ Category

Summer is for Reruns – Anniversary Edition

Sunday the 27th was our wedding anniversary and the first time in 17 years that we hadn’t spent the day together. I was in Canmore reveling in the nuptuals of some close friends and Richard was home with the kids. Money Certain circumstances prevented us from all travelling together and I had quite a few moments of melancholy over the weekend when I stopped to remember that they weren’t all with me, enjoying the festivities.

We each got a text message for gifts (Him: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY — Me: U2 LOVE U!), which is appropriate because, apparently, there is no traditional “must-give gift” for a 17th anniversary.

I did decide that I want to renew our vows in our 25th year, so I only have 8 years left to plan for that. I’m sure I’ll get to it around July 26th, 2016. Oh yeah, also, I’d better tell Richard my plans before then…gah! I’m already overwhelmed!

Obviously, I didn’t write anything here for this anniversary, so I’ll take you way, waaaaay back to 2006 when I really tried to show Richard that I cared by writing more words than would fit on a text message:


I never needed love

Remember after we first met in grade 11, how we’d sit next to each other on the school bus with our knees touching? We’d share the earphones from your walkman and we’d listen to “When I’m With You” by Sheriff all the way to school. Rewind. Listen again. Rewind. And again.

Like I need you

Remember how you thought my name was Becky for a whole week after you met me? You were afraid to call me by name, because you weren’t quite sure if you’d heard me right when I introduced myself. Finally your sister told you that she was sure my name was Vicky and not Becky. You call me Vick. I prefer Vick.

And I never lived for nobody

Remember how you asked me to “go out” with you after that first dance in September 1988? I said, “yeah sure, I guess so.” You said something about your poor bruised ego. When you asked the question I was trying to act aloof. I really wanted to climb to the top of the highest roof and scream “yes! I want to be your girlfriend! I am so madly, deeply in love with you I could probably throw my body from this rooftop, if you’d just ask me again! Yes! And yes!

But I live for you

Remember how we’d spend hours and hours driving around in your dad’s truck, just talking? Even at 16 years old we had deep, meaningful conversations about our dreams for the future. How we wanted a family some day. How we were going to get married and be together forever. We knew all the way back then. We still have some of our best conversations in the car when we’re driving long distances. They’re some of my favourite times spent with you.

Ooh babe

Remember standing in the bathroom at your Mom’s house staring at that pregnancy test after our trip to Banff? Remember we cried, because we were only 19 and how were we going to do this? I remember feeling that first twinge of happiness too, because at that moment I knew there were now two people in my life to love. I thought you might have felt that way too. After Zeenee was born I knew. You give perfect Dads a bad name. You are the best one.

Lost in love is what I feel

Remember how we struggled financially those first years? We rolled pennies for milk. We worked for ridiculously low wages. We fought a lot. I finished school after Zeenee was born. Then you went to school so you wouldn’t have to spend your life working for minimum wage. You worked two jobs AND went to school! How did you live through that? How were you able to be such a good husband and father back then? You were. Things are so much better now, but I’ll never forget how hard you worked for us. I admire you for that.

When I’m with you

Remember July 27th, 1991? I wore an ivory maternity dress and you had a perm! At the Devonian Gardens in Calgary, in front of 50 friends and relatives, we promised to love, honour and cherish each other for evermore. So happy that day. I never thought I could be more madly in love with you than I was then. I am.

Maybe it’s the way you touch me
With the warmth of the sun
Maybe it’s the way you smile
I come all undone
Ooh babe
Lost in love is what I feel
When I’m with you

Happy 15th Anniversary Sweetie.



Look — someone else is celebrating an anniversary too! Only Bossy has been MARRIED as long as we’ve been together. Happy 20th Miss B!


Last Minute Meltdown

Looks like procrastination has gotten me in trouble once again. Richard just called me at work and he used his angry voice. The sale of our house closes tonight and he was just over there dropping off the last key and doing a final walk through to make sure we’d gotten everything.

That’s when he found them.


The six boxes of Girl Guide stuff that I should have unloaded a year ago. Heh.

(this is where we insert the Cheap Bastard’s angry voice. He had to huff and puff and throw those boxes in the back of our van. Which, GOD, I arranged to drop them off tonight already. And by arrange I mean I called her this afternoon and begged her to take them)

I haven’t been involved in Guiding for over a year and yes, I’ve had all this time to call the District Commissioner and ask her where she’d like the boxes delivered.

When we decided to sell the house in January Richard said, “you must call DC and get rid of those boxes.”

In February, when we moved into the new house (and I knew we still had at least a month to get our stuff out of the old house) he said, “you need to have those boxes out in the next couple of weeks!”

When we sold the house mid-February he yelled, “BOXES!!! OUT!!!! NOW!!!”

And the whole time I agreed that yes, yes, I’d get right to that task. The boxes, they would be gone forthright.

Today’s conversation involved a lot of words that contained the words “mother” (but not meaning my MIL…or his), “son-of-a” (not in reference to our ten year-old bundle of joy) and “ass” (not the one I’m currently sitting on). Oh and he also exclaimed #$**/#@ BOXES!

Gosh, I just don’t know why he gets so bent about these things. He knew who I was when he married me. (It’s not like I tricked him into marrying me by getting pregnant. At nineteen.) He KNOWS I do everything last minute. Everything including:

  • Filling out forms and writing cheques (I’ve bribed the hot lunch lady at school once or twice, so she’ll take our order late. Good thing she’s my good friend. From Girl Guides coincidentally).

  • Signing day planners for the kids (see running out the door whilst pulling on shoes, with pen in teeth)

  • Buying birthday presents the day before and even the day of.

  • Taxes and RRSP planning (April 30th and February 28th respectively).

  • Making doctor and dentist appointments (“Yes, but can you fit us in TODAY? The boil, it is protruding. How about tonight? It has sprouted little legs. Tomorrow morning, but that’s my last offer! It is quoting Shakespeare! Okay, two weeks from Tuesday it is.”)

  • Changing our address with the post office.

He’s just such a nag. Such a Mouthy Martha. Such a Worrying Wanda.

I’ll have to give him a piece of my mind tonight…after I get home from the post office.


I just emailed Richard my Christmas list.  He’s been bugging and begging for weeks for me to get it done, because he likes to be done with his shopping by December 1st.  Me?  I like to have at least thought about starting my shopping by December 23rd, so I think the fact that I got the list to him by today is pretty damned good on my part.  He has three more evenings in November to accomplish his goal.

Here’s what Procrastamom wants Santa to put under her tree:

  • Ipod Nano – 4GB Silver
  • Down Vest (with fur trimmed hood if they have it) in Black or Grey – Reitmans or Addition Elle
  • Polar fleece long sleeved sweater to go with vest – same size
  • Gift cards to Reitmans, Addition Elle, Chapters, Starbucks
  • Books (these four are at Costco):  Playing for Pizza – John Grisham, Rick Mercer Report, (something about a) Moon – Alice Sebold (orange cover), The Life of Pi – hardcover
  • Starbucks travel mug…or five
  • STAND BY ME – GOLD PLATED LIMITED MUST-HAVE EDITION (because it’s got my boyfriend  in it and I just had to throw that little jab in because I knew it would make you smile. And also I love you!)
  • Learn to run lessons from the Running Room
  • Two-door sport Nissan Altima – red or black
  • 4-5 bedroom house on Westwood Plateau with granite countertops and stainless steel appliances
  • Maid Service
  • Spa gift certificates for manis and pedis from that place I like in the mall (has an “O” in it somewhere — I’m sure that helps)
  • Pony (fake one – real horses are evil and they smell)
  • Truck and fifth wheel for the next time we go to Merritt
  • Butler

So, what do you want for Christmas?  And don’t say World Peace ’cause I already asked for that last year, but apparently they were all out of stock and I forgot to cash the raincheck they gave me instead and it expired.