Letters to Mahself

Dear Lazy McSlotherson:

You can too find time to exercise. You get home at 4:30 every day and are done supper by 6:30. That leaves 3-4 hours free to get your butt walking up that hill, shaking your hiney to your favourite tunes on your FakePod (except for those damned High School Musical songs that the kids put on there months ago and you haven’t removed….and AAAK! Chicago is still there too. It’s hard for me to say I’m sorry). You really DON’T need to spend every evening watching reruns of The Office on the DVR. Michael’s cooked foot will be there forever and you already know which bear is the best bear.

Exercise! Your fat ass will thank you for it.

Love,
Naggy McNaggerson

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Dear Scaredy McFraiderson:

Quit thinking negatively about your upcoming schooling. Don’t you see that questioning your willpower and work ethic is only going to end in failure? So it’s going to take 5-7 years of hard work to get this done. Don’t you see that the lost sleep and lack of personal time is going to pay off big time?

Think of the fantastic career you’re going to have. A career that you chose! You’ll only be in your early forties when you’re done. Imagine, you’ll have all those years to work your way up. To challenge yourself. And don’t say this outloud to anyone, but think of the MONEY! Maybe you could buy a pair of designer shoes (that you’d have to hide the real cost from Cheap Bastard your loving husband, but you’ll be an accountant. You can massage the numbers). Maybe your kids won’t have to worry about university. Maybe you can retire at 55!

You CAN find the time to study. You WILL succeed. Designer shoes!

Love,
Peppy McRahRahson

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Dear Bloggy McBlogerson:

Step away from the keyboard and get yee ass to the bathroom. You have to pee.

Love,
Bladdery McFullerson